This post may be considered shallow at best. If that bothers you, I suggest you stop reading now. If not, please continue. Because I imagine that a lot of people could relate to what I’m about to say (or at least I’d like to think so).

Ever see a person, someone who’s not flat-out unattractive, but not quite pretty, and the first thing you think is, Oh if that person only washed their hair more often, put on a little make-up, or stopped frying their hair by over-straightening, they could be downright pretty?

(See what I mean about this post being shallow? But I warned you, so carry on.)

This is what I call giving someone a mental makeover. Thinking of everything that could be improved about a persons appearance, but not saying it to their face because that would be, well, rude. (Helpful, maybe, but rude.) But these are simple things, like the examples I stated above. Not overly expensive or anything. I mean, come on people!!! This is that self-awareness thing I talked about in my ABOUT page. This is basic knowledge! It’s your responsibility to be on top of your personal hygiene and to look socially acceptable.

So here is my list of mental makeover tips I think a lot of people could take advantage of. These are those things you’ve always been afraid to say to the persons face, for fear of coming off as a totally jerk, but have secretly bugged u constantly in the back of your mind. I’m writing these down in hopes that some aesthetically-challenged soul will stumble upon this page and think, hey I never really thought about it before today, but I suppose my hair is pretty greasy. Maybe I’ll start washing it more often now.

MENTAL MAKEOVER TIPS:
1) Never part your hair in middle. It’s a general rule that hair ALWAYS looks better parted to the side. Or, if your a guy, not parted at all. Comb it forward and gel it up, but try not to part it, unless your over the age of 50. And even then, never part it in the middle. And please, God, no comb-overs. And ladies, PART. TO. THE. SIDE. And if you have bangs, still never part it in the middle. Go for side-swept or straight across bangs or something. The only person I know who can pull off a middle hair-part is Jennifer Aniston. She’s the exception. Everyone else: hair parted in the middle is a sure-fire way to get branded as a dweeb. And hair parted in the middle and tucked behind both ears is the absolute worst.

2) Wash your fricken hair. This is mostly focused towards people who tend to have greasy, frizzy locks that you just want to attack with shampoo and a brush. Get some anti-grease conditioner. Something. Anything. Get the grease OUT. It’s not that hard, folks. If you have access to a shower and shampoo, there is NO excuse not to have your hair clean and soft and grease free. Fricken baby powder even works, folks. And if your over the age of 10, you should be showering daily anyways.

3) A little make-up goes a long ways. This is where things can get tricky. Notice I said a LITTLE make-up. You only need a little. Mascara. Maybe some lip gloss. A dab of concealer for a zit or two. There ya go. That’s all the make-up you need. I’m assuming it’s mostly ladies reading this particular tip, so let me say this: never, ever, ever coat your face in foundation or mineral powder. That is SO UGLY. You can tell the acne is there under that pound of powder. There’s no hiding it. You don’t need make-up, you need a dermatologist. Look into that ASAP.

4) Be aware of your B.O. Everyone has one. Some people are just nose-deaf to themselves. To combat this, buy body spray. And shower, always.

5) Short pants. Oh boy…short pants. I see this more in guys than I do in girls, but it’s annoying either way. Please invest in some pants that are a decent length. Or stretch the ones you have. Or buy your jeans big so you’ll have room to grow. Your 6th grade aren’t going to fit you anymore. Sad, I know, but true.

So there you have it folks, my un-solicited advice on how to be pretty. The first 5 basic steps. Take note, people. This isn’t a rant about ugly people, okay? I prefer to think of it as…helpful tips. These are here to help you, and maybe make you chuckle. 🙂

~SJM